I grew up in a Protestant and increasingly fundamentalist Christian family, and since leaving the church I’ve kept discussion of ‘my beliefs’ fairly limited, particularly with my parents.
Last Fall, however, my mom said something that surprised me: She worries I’ll never be happy until I take comfort in the Christian God.
I wasn’t sure how to respond. The first and obvious answer is that I’ve been both happy and not, while believing in god and not. But even beyond that:
I can’t just choose to believe in god. I’m open to changing my beliefs if presented with the right evidence, but nobody’s been able to convince me so far. In fact, the opposite has been true. (If only I’d never questioned….)
Second, I don’t want the belief back. From my experience, the shame of living under god’s watchful eye led to a great deal of unhappiness in the first place. If the key to this comfort is life in a world where I’m punished for ‘impure’ thoughts, masturbation and the rape I experienced at 18, then I don’t want it.
What I do want, though is to better understand my mom’s point of view and to learn what others think.
Do you get comfort from god, or not? How does it impact your happiness? Please feel free to share your story.
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No I do not. It does not affect my happiness in fact it improved it by not trying to adhere to a standard that was given to me by people who didn’t live up to their standard and claimed that it’s alright if you were truly sorry and then go out and do it again. There is something greater than the “I” but I don’t need to define it just enjoy it
I have went from bad to worse when I was a Christian. But now that I am a Buddhist-Atheist, I can honestly say that now, I am the happiest that I have ever been. I am going to be start a brand new life in Portland and I am going to try to find an girlfriend when I get there. But I believe in myself more now, I am no longer putting myself down and things are better.
Peter and Kyle, thanks for sharing your experiences.
It seems like you both said a similar (and I think important) thing. Namely, that you’re happier when you’re not adhering to others’ standards, when you’re believing in yourself.
It also sounds like you weren’t always this way. What caused you to change? Was it a gradual process?
I’m going to disagree somewhat. Here are my thoughts -
If you don’t believe in God - aren’t a Christian - because you simply have another religion, chose to have another religion based on the beliefs of that religion, or came to the decision that there is no god, creator, or higher power, fine.
But if you leave Christianity and decide not to believe in God simply because you don’t want to “feel” a certain way, or find that you “feel better” without worrying about God or what he thinks - rather than not believing in God just because you flat out don’t believe in God (see above reasons) - then you’re cheating yourself in a way. God didn’t put us here to feel good, nor did he put us here to be alone (i.e. not be watched over by him). As a believer in God, you have to come to terms with it. However, leaving it just because you don’t like the feeling doesn’t mean there’s no longer a God, does it?
Personally, I have issues with the Bible. God knows this; we’ve chatted. I have issues with the fact that something like 10 books were left out. I have issues with the fact that it was edited and edited and edited by men of power (such as kings) throughout the years. I have issues with the fact that it was a huge source of maintaining control over people for years.
I’m a woman, I work, I have sex out of wedlock, I wear pants and I’ve had short hair. I’ve attended church with a woman preacher (the joys of being Methodist) and I’m divorced. If God has punished me for any of this, I’ve survived. If he’s condeming me for any of this, I don’t feel it. Because I’ve come to terms with my beliefs and with God.
I’m not pushing Christianity on anyone, because just like I’ve come to terms with myself (somewhat!) and with how I feel about Christianity and God and how I feel I should behave, I’ve also come to terms with others and their religions. I can only be held responsible for my actions, just like everyone else.
However, I do want to say that I’m positive God has not turned his back on you for whatever you think he thinks you should feel guilty for - and for the record, no one - God included - thinks you should feel guilty for being raped! Should you ever believe in him again, you won’t feel those horrible feelings once you come to terms with - well, everything I’ve mentioned.
(Sidenote - I realize I’m an insanely non-conservative kind of Christian, haha, so everything I’ve said will probably sound ludacris to most people.)
Hugs - Alicia
Hi Alicia,
Thanks for your kind and thoughtful reply.
I grew up in a strict Christian household. I gave up on God in my 20’s, thinking I was “too smart” to believe in God. I’m a scientist, afterall. I explored every religion and am now back to — not the right-winged prejudiced, you’re-going-to-hell “Christianity” — but Christianity the way Christ wanted it.
Christ was not a Christian — he was a Jew. He came to change the old punishing laws of Judeaism and let us know love is the answer.
Christ did not say you have to worship in a church - he taught on the beaches
Christ said that God is in everyone and everything (this he wrote but it was left out of the bible)
Christ hung out with prostitutes, tax collectors and lepers as friends
Christ defied every rule of the day — including talking to women in broad daylight
Christ did not peform silly religious rituals of the day even though people might have said he was a bad person if he didn’t. For example, “wash your hands before you eat, not work on Saturday,” etc. He was reprimanded for not being a “good Jew.”
Christ taught peace, non retaliation, and love.
Christ taught to love your enemy.
Christ only wanted to spread this message.
Christ was murdered by people who feared his power.
Love is powerful.
When you feel love, that is God.
Every person needs a spiritual guide to get them to God — Jesus can be that to you. So can others, who you have probably not hear of. I have chosen Christ as my spiritual guide or guru. My friend has chosen Master Ching Hai. You can choose whomever you want, but the goal of a guru is to bring you in more direct contact with God.
And yes, I get great comfort from being close to God and knowig s/he is in control and wants the very best for me. God wants us to have everything good.
Sounds like you do not need any more Bible courses from a Protestant minister. Instead, how about “God Calling.” or “God spoke to me.” They would probably upset a right winged Christian, but they would probably delight Christ. They are God’s words made very tangible and practical. Read ” Read “If it hurts, it isn’t Love” Awesome, awesome book to shed light on your relationships.
Whatever you do, don’t give up the search. Read every book you can get your hands on (”Misquoting Jesus” is another great one), learn as much as you can, question as much as you can, and refute as much as you can. Eventually, you will find that knowledge cannot get you to an answer, however. Only love can. It took me 10 years, but my quest has been very very worth it and I feel happier, more stable and more peacefu than ever.
God is love.
Good luck and write again!
Mary
PS — Einstein believed in God.
Hi Mary,
Thanks for the recommendations and for sharing your experience.
Maile
The issue was not God. You are welcome to call it God or whatever you like. I just do not need religion for my guidence.
To answer your question Maile it has been a gradual understanding of how unquely each of us sees and explains who we are and why we are here. It is accepting full responsibility for what i do and how I act not because of some standard but because it is the right thing to do for me.
I accept that death is but another door to an experience I cannot imagine and ultimately can only accept no different than the present moment.